1. Physical Space
What we surround ourselves with--objects, spaces, people--affect our manifestations, our quality of life, and our levels of intimacy and pleasure. Erickson explains that in Authentic Tantra, curating our surroundings is referred to as “creating sacred space,” and that “the idea is to create a sensual ‘nest’ for your intimate practice.” She recommends awakening all five of your senses within this environment.
For sight, make sure your room is tidy, and light some candles. For sound, have a sensual playlist that is both soothing and inspiring. For taste, have some fruit and chocolate. For smell, use essential oils or incense. For touch have soft blankets, silky sheets, and lots of pillows for comfort and support.
2. Spiritual Self
An authentic connection with your lover begins by being present. Therefore, Erickson suggests meditation. “There are a variety of simple mediation practices for cultivating mindfulness,” she explains. “A very simple one is to sit erect with a straight spine, focus on breathing into your belly, and then count 21 consecutive breaths.” Erickson knows it sounds deceptively easy, but says you’d be surprised how many people get lost between breath one and breath 21. “If you lose your place you have start all over again. This is a great tool for cultivating mindful presence.”
3. Connection
After mastery of solo meditation, you can then come together and practice this exercise as a couple. “You sit facing each other, perhaps the female, or more ‘yin’ partner, in the male, or more ‘yang’ partner’s, lap,” suggests Erickson. “Then you would harmonize your breath and count 21 or more breaths together. After syncing your breath for a period of time, your heartbeats and brainwave patterns will actually synchronize. This is called ‘entrainment’ and it’s such a trip that the human nervous system is hardwired for us to sync up with each other!”
4. Touch/Foreplay
“After entraining your nervous systems through Tantric breathing practices, you can continue cultivating sensual intimacy with a light massage all over the body,” advises Erickson. “To heighten the sense of touch and continue soothing the nervous system, you can also introduce different textures of sensation, such as feathers, soft cloth, or warm oil with a few drops of skin safe essential oil. This is also a wonderful time for manual and/or oral stimulation of the genital area.”
5. Intercourse
Erickson believes that the eyes are the window to the soul, and therefore recommends making eye contact as “a wonderful way to deepen feelings of intimacy and connection during lovemaking.” She says it allows oneself to be “fully seen and received by your partner.” She also suggests slowing down and syncing your movement to your breath, as it maintains the connection established during the earlier entrainment practices.
6. Climax
A hallmark of the Tantra practice, and a saying frequently used in Authentic Tantra, is “orgasm is never the goal.” What is the goal, explains Erickson, is connection through pleasure. “Orgasm is the body’s natural response to pleasure. When you let go of the goal of climax and relax into the sensations of pleasure, you allow the other 10-plus types of orgasm for male bodies and 15-plus types of orgasm for female bodies to arise.”
7. Daily Life
As Erickson so poetically and aptly expresses, “appreciation is the sunshine that makes the flower of the heart blossom.” The ones we hold dearest are often the ones we forget to water the most. They’re there. We see them every day, yet our connections somehow fizzle out. That’s why Erickson believes “sharing on a daily basis what and how much you appreciate your partner helps maintain the sense of intimacy and love you generated in the bedroom.”